It is seven in the evening, the bedroom looks the same as yesterday and you are on your third "I already told you". Your child stopped listening two reminders ago. The usual move in that scene is to raise your voice, and what tends to work better is changing who remembers what, and what "done" actually means.
Six tricks to share out chores with kids of any age, and an extra at the end: the best solution, the definitive one.
1. Write down what "done" means
"Tidy your room" means one thing to you and something very different to an eight-year-old. Half the arguments come from there: they think they finished, and you see a mess.
Make a list of three or four items and stick it on the bedroom door:
- Dirty clothes in the hamper
- Bed made
- Toys in their box
- Floor clear
With a list in plain sight, nobody has to give an opinion. You look and you tick.
2. Set a deadline, not a "now"
"Do it now" invites negotiation ("not now, I will in a minute"). "Before dinner" is a deadline, and a deadline is either met or it is not. Pick a moment of the day you both recognize: before dinner, before the shower, before the TV goes on.
3. First this, then that
"Once you have cleared the table, we put the show on." Same chore, different order, and now the chore is the door to something they want. It works when you agree on it ahead of time. Said in the middle of an argument it turns into blackmail and stops working.
4. One reminder, and not from you
Every extra reminder turns you a little more into the nagging voice of the house and teaches them that nothing happens until the fourth one. Try this:
- Remind once, in a normal tone.
- Then stop talking.
- Hand the next reminder to something that is not you: a phone alarm, a note on the fridge, the list on the door.
An alarm does not get angry or run out of patience, and there is not much to argue with.
5. Five minutes of a family meeting every week
One Sunday, sitting down without rushing: what went well, what keeps getting stuck, who swaps chores. Rules that are agreed on get argued about less than rules that are imposed, and a child who had a say in how chores are split will defend the split as their own. If something fails, you change it on Monday and nobody is to blame.
6. If they will not put the phone down, lock it yourself
A lot of chore fights start with a phone in hand: "I will finish this round and then I will go". When you ask and they do not put it down, there is no need to wrestle: you can lock it from your own phone, with Family Link on Android (it is free) or Screen Time on iPhone, which is already built in.
Say it beforehand, as a house rule: "if I ask you for something and you do not do it, the phone locks". That way nobody is caught off guard, and it unlocks as soon as the chore is done.
Extra: an app that solves all of this
Paper and a fridge can do it. But if you want this off your plate for good:
Tasnna is the best option, once and for all: an app that solves exactly this, built so you can stop repeating yourself every day: your kids see their chores and deadlines, tick them off, you approve them, and streaks and goals make them want to do them. Time to retire the same old fights.
Try it at home
Tasnna is on Google Play. Install it and in a minute the whole family is in.
Get it on Play Store